Closing my eyes, I felt my self being pulled in to the ocean, ocean of his love. Every time I jump in to my bed, he comes to me asking if I let him sleep on my chest. “All I want to do is hold you. I love you. I’ve always loved you honey” he says while kissing me here and there with his wet pink lips.
Now I, here on a bed in a hospital, being treated as I am weak, not physically but mentally. It was all just like a dream, a sweet dream which will never ever come true.
I remember the first day we met. Stepping out from the elevator in a blue shirt, that guy with a small birthmark in his forehead made me feel uncomfortable. I felt I have seen him before or what……I don’t know, but something strange is there. But I felt he is little bit familiar. His smile was innocent. He looked at me with a smile as If we have been knowing each other for a long time. When our eyes met, I saw his eyes were full of something, seemed to be love. I knew that this is what I was looking for my whole life. I didn’t want to lose it. I had no idea of going for a conversation. I couldn’t conceal my feelings. When I saw him in front of me, “I have seen you before” I said weakly in a cold voice. “It sounds good, me too” he said with blinking eyes. It was a lot to me. With in two or three weeks, we became close friends as I am very good in hanging out not only with friends, but someone who will be very special someday. I did swimming and he too did the same. He was good in Mathematics where as I was always trying to be Good. He was good in every ways. He had everything I expected. I felt my heart expand with joy. It would be easy to imagine Kenath loving me.
“Hold him! Do not let him go!” No, I had to struggle with my heart and last, strengthened by my affection on him I managed to say I love him. That moment, I will never forget for my whole life. His pink lips settled firmly on my lips. He hugged me tight in twilight dim. Losing myself in the light of his body, the power of his mouth caressing and taking mine. That’s how it began. Everything was perfect with him. We spent so many nights together. Warmth of his love penetrated my nerves. No one had ever done it. I thought he was mine for my whole life, but No. I am wrong. It was only for 2 years.
“Narrow your focus, your life, your breathing, to your heart, to how you feel about him. Do not lose that focus. Hold it”
My heart was struggling with brain. So badly, fighting against these feelings, brain conquested.I had to leave, after his parents had discovered our love. He loved his parents, he loved me as well. I was relatively a big part of his life. Once I remember he told me that his mom will suicide if she discovers. How can I give such a burden on him…?
All these things we were experiencing, love, caring and everything going to be only a dream. I knew how difficult it was to him to tell me that this would be our last meeting. Now finally I understand how difficult it was to me to bear up.
When he was going back, I saw his tears, tears stung his eyes. “You were a gift from God to me, but I am cooped by that morality. I have no way honey. I’m just thinking of how much of a miracle you were in my life” Tears leaked out of his tightly closed eyes. I had to leave. “He will be sent to Aussie soon, oh God” My mind went with him. I lost my consciousness
When I came back to my mind, I was on a bed. Mom, dad and my little sister and some of my very close friends were there around me. I was helpless. I can’t tell them
what really happened. No one knew what we had or how strong our love was. To them, it was just a friendship. I know that I can’t live without him, without his love. It is a hard blow. I am still waiting for him and I’ll wait for my whole life. That is love and love is love. No matter what happens in the real world, I don’t wanna accept that reality. I don’t care how many day I’ll have to pass on a bed, I wanna be with him even in my dreams. I love him. I love him lot