I sat in the back of my last class, on a Friday, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the math teacher. I was focused on the love of my life, Chathura. He brushed his shiny black hair. from his eyes that seemed to penetrate your deepest thoughts. His body was tanned and incredibly muscular; he had become the football team’s captain since starting his 1st year in A/L. I however was dark-haired and dark-eyed, and tanned, but not in the pure golden-brown color of chathura. I was also thin; nothing compared to the musculature of this god I was so deeply infatuated with.
I’d loved him since the eighth grade: five years of complete and utter obsession with him. He was such a kind person, surprisingly gentle for a football player. He was friendly and relaxed, yet when the time came, also assertive. He made me laugh and it brightened my day just to see him. He was my world. To kiss him, feel him, smell him, would be to experience pure bliss…
My daydreaming was interrupted by the sharp ringing of the final bell. The teacher yelled out the homework assignment to the rapidly leaving students. Chathura suddenly stopped me on the way out.
“I have no clue how to do this crap,” he said. “I was wondering if you could help me. I can’t afford to fail the test next week.”
I didn’t have to think twice, but I forced myself to sound laid-back.
“Sure. How about tomorrow, around ten? We’ll do an all day study thing or something.” He smiled, showing his sparkling white teeth.
We moved with the flow of human traffic to the front of the school. Chathura drove home; I walked.
“I still don’t see why you won’t let me drive you home too,” Chathura said with a frown.
“Well, I don’t want you to waste your time” well okey I lied. “I don’t live too far away anyhow, so it’s really okay.”
Despite that being true, the real reason was that I didn’t want him to see what my house had become. Chathura remembered it as the quaint little house that he would sometimes visit as a kid, but now it was dirty, overgrown, and falling apart; the result of a drunken and unemployed caretaker. After my mother had died from a car accident when I was in grade 7, my father had started to drink. A lot. I mean f..ckingf lot. It cost him his job. Now he was either yelling at me when I came home or passed out in the living room.
I didn’t want my beloved to see that. Especially when he was so well-off. His parents had a nice suburban home and satisfying jobs; they lived the Sri Lankan Dream. Lucky them.
Chathura and I parted at the crosswalk, where I began to think about tomorrow. It was the first time since 1st of January that I’d be over at his house since he became so busy with football. I decided to take this time to finally come out with it.. I could experiment with finally being open, and if it was terrible, well, then I suppose I’d just wait a bit to start fresh in college. There. It was official. I was going to tell him. Tomorrow.
I came home to the strong scent of liquor. My father was awake with an empty bottle of something in his hand. Okey I had to be very careful about what I said and did.
“Boy,” he yelled. “Get your fuckin’ ass down to the corner store and buy me some liquor!”
I knew where this conversation would lead. It always had to be right before the money came from his sister.
“Appachchi, I can’t. I’m not old enough, and even so we don’t have any money for a few days.”
“DON’T YOU F..CKING’ GIVE ME LIP!” And sure enough, here it came.
I instinctively tensed up and cringed. My father rushed over in his drunken rage where he punched me hard in the ribs. I slammed into a wall and was silent. It was better to just take the one hit than to piss him off more and try and dodge. He then put on his keys and stormed out.
I rested on my meager bed. My right side hurt like hell, but I distracted myself by thinking about tomorrow. I was still feeling confident about my decision to come out, when I felt a nagging doubt. This boy had been my friend since elementary school. What if I lost him? I started to wonder if a change of scenery would be enough to deal with that pain; the pain that would be infinitely worse than the hit I’d just received. To seek advice, I logged onto my old and outdated desktop (even this piece of crap took forever to save up for) and immediately went to the chat website I’d found a while ago. I logged in under my screen name “an08” and scrolled through the number of different subject rooms until I found the “gay teen chatroom”. I saw my online friend “behind_closed_doors90” in the room. Being in the closet was more emotionally agonizing than anything most people will ever experience, but modern technology helped a lot. I opened a private message window.
“an08: waz up?”
“an08: i hav a prob”
“an08: ive been in luv with this guy for like 5 years and since its our last year i thought id just go ahead and tell him since i could just start over if he take it bad in college”
“behind_closed_doors90: makes sense”
“an08: but im worried if that will be enuf since hes been my frend forever and it would hurt to lose him”
“behind_closed_doors90: i kno what u mean but all i can say is that u should go ahead and do it
“if he is a true frend than he will accept u no matter what and if not than u shouldnt feel bad for losing him cuz he wasnt a good friend anyway”
We continued to chat for a while, and then I logged off. It was settled then. He was right: if chathura was a true friend then he’d accept me no matter what. That made the prospect of losing him a little easier, but the fact that I’d still love him anyway was what would pain me the most. Love is a terrible thing, because it makes you say and do and feel all sorts of things, even if you don’t want to. But I felt that chathura would accept me, and my controversial nature, because that’s just how he was. That’s why I loved him as much as I did.
The following morning came swiftly and suddenly.
My alarm clock blared intensely, and I became acutely aware of the bruise on my right side. I got up gingerly and immediately began to drown out the ache like I was so accustomed to doing. Despite it being only ten in the morning, I was tired, mostly because I’d stayed up until one in the morning thinking about how I’d say what I had to say (as well as applying vinto to the bruise).
Nonetheless I got up quickly and rushed to the shower. The water was soothing. Like most teenage boys do I started fantasizing. In the quiet of my mind I imagined what it would be like to make love to chathura. All outside sensations were destroyed. His warmth and the scent of the cologne he always wore were delightfully intoxicating. He ran his hands all over my body and kissed my neck. The passion of my fantasy made me hot and tingly all over. I couldn’t help it and began to jerk my 7inch dick. It was in perfect synchronize with the rhythm of the hip movement in my daydream. When chathura’s hand finally grazed my crotch in my steamy reverie, I couldn’t help but achieve an orgasm of grand intensity. Hot semen spurted everywhere, and in spite of myself and the wonderful warm feeling I gained from it, I felt shame for desecrating the image of the one I loved in such a disgraceful way, even if it was probably the closest I would ever come to actually making love to him.
I finished washing myself and got dressed in the best looking yet casual clothes I had: a pair of only slightly faded dark blue jeans and a black, light sweatshirt. I wished I could afford cologne to go the extra mile, but I dismissed the thought, grabbed my notes, and headed out the door. My watch read 10:43. Chathura and I had made arrangements for him to pick me up at the cafe across from school at eleven-thirty. It took me only around twenty-five minutes to get to the cafe, but despite my being early, chathura was already there.
He was absolutely stunning, dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a short-sleeved collared shirt, drinking an ice coffee. He grinned when he saw me.
“Hey Anushka! Glad I didn’t have to wait much longer.”
He gestured for me to sit down. I smiled and began to sit down but in doing so I strained my side, which, though I was used to it by now, served as a reminder for what I would have to return to.
“You want anything?” chathura asked. I was glad to be brought back to the moment. Though I was famished I politely refused.
“Oh come on,” he chuckled, giving me a knowing glance. He signaled the waitress and asked for two orders of sandwich and orange juice. I sighed.
“You always see right through me.” He shrugged and just said
“Consider it the reward for helping me out.” He brushed his hair out of his face and I began to feel warmth running to my cheeks. I was thankful that the hard-on I was beginning to get was hidden by the table.
The waitress appeared with our meal and shot chathura a wink while she leaned in just a little too close. He gave her the tip early and returned a polite smile. I frowned inwardly, but managed to hide my jealousy. We chatted while I also tried to hide my voracious hunger, but I obviously failed because he stopped with a laugh in mid-sentence and said
“I’ll buy you some more if you want.”
He was polite enough to leave unmentioned the reason we both knew was why I was so hungry. I turned red in the face.
“No, it’s really ok. I’ve bothered you enough,” I said. He looked like he was about to say something, but dismissed it instead.
We finished eating and held our light conversation all the way to his car. The brand new black FZ seemed to enforce ever so much more how perfect he seemed to be compared to me. We chatted more about nonsensical things until his phone rang. He looked at me for approval, which I thought was strange, but gave him the go-ahead anyway. He flipped it open and answered with a
I could hear a faint voice on the other line. chathura got a confused expression.
I knew who that was. That was chathura’s ex-girlfriend. She was the most popular little rich girl you ever saw, but she was a really nice person and quite attractive, with long hair and soft features. She was the most serious girlfriend chathura ever had, yet for some reason they’d broken up over what chathura told me was a petty argument.
chathura finished the conversation with an
“I’m sorry, but no.” and a quick hang-up. I looked at him curiously. “That was Roshi,” he started.
“She was wondering if we could get back together. I just couldn’t do it.”
“Why? You were so happy with her!”
“I have my reasons,” he responded, and left it at that.
We pulled up to his gorgeous house, a fitting place for a gorgeous person. The garden was trim, and there was a small pond out front. He drove past the gate and parked in the freshly paved driveway. I longed to have a life like his, but I drowned that out and simply appreciated being in his company. He led me inside. The house was completely empty because his parents were on a business trip. We went up to his bedroom; it was more than twice as big as mine.
“Make yourself at home,” chathura said. “I’m going to go get us some chips or something.”
I flopped down on his large bed and remembered fondly playing here as a kid. We would spend hours playing the newest video game he had gotten or watching the newest movie he had bought. I wished to go back to that time; before everything had become so fucked up. chathura entered the room with a bundle of snacks in his hands. He set them down and sat on the edge of the bed.
“I wish we could go back too,” he said. I was startled. How did he always know what I was thinking?
“Well,” he began. “Let’s get started!”
The hours passed by as we reviewed the problems and snacked, occasionally joking or chatting about some random subject. Surprisingly we were done reviewing all of the material by around 4:30. It had taken a grand total of around three hours to finish up, with all the talking we did. I decided this was as good a time as any to finally come out and say what I had so desperately wanted to say.
“chathura? There’s, um, something I’d like to talk to you about.” I thought again about what I had been told in the chatroom. I felt a surge of confidence. chathura looked at me expectantly.
“Well, um, chathura, we’ve been close friends for a really long time right?”
“Yeah. We have.”
“Well, I think that over that time, I’ve grown to…to be…” I suddenly couldn’t find the words. chathura looked at me intensely, and something in his eyes just gave me the spark I needed. “Oh God. chathura, I’m trying to say that I love you and have for years. Every single day it grows and I just can’t stay anymore”
It was right then that he kissed me. His soft lips met mine with such energy that my whole body was electrified with it. He didn’t wait long to drive his tongue into my mouth. I welcomed this foreign invader that I had longed for all this time. His tongue eagerly rubbed across my own. It was almost as if all his sexual energy had been released in this kiss and the passionate embrace that held me. I was shocked and happy and confused and exploding with excitement all at the same time. Chathura pulled away from the kiss. I opened my mouth to say something but he put his finger to it, quietly and gracefully, and began to speak instead.
“I know you have. I could see it easily. You yourself notice that I always seem to know what you’re thinking. I’m sorry, too, for knowing it and yet not easing your agony by letting you know that I’ve loved you back just as much and for just as long. But, I had certain pressures. I was worried about what my parents would think, and then about my position on the football team; I just didn’t know what to do. But I decided, not too long ago, that this love is much more important than all that.
That’s why I broke up with Roshi.” He put his head on my chest. “Please forgive me, for torturing you like that. I’m sure it wasn’t nearly as hard for me as it was for you.”
I lifted his head up and kissed him again.
“I could never be mad at you,” I said,
and his face glowed with happiness. He eased me onto the bed and kissed me back. He put his lips so close to my ear that I could almost feel them as he spoke.
“Let’s make love, Anushka,” he whispered. “We’ve both waited for such a long time. Please, let’s make love.”
His voice was so romantic and seductive that the very sound of it made me hot all over. I whispered back to him.
“You can do whatever you want to me.”
He embraced me and pressed his face against mine, which I noticed was also very hot. He removed all of his clothes with remarkable swiftness, and then started onto me. The moment we were both naked he pressed his body onto mine.
“You’re gorgeous, you know that?”
I blushed even more, but said
“I’m nothing compared to you.”
He truly was the most wonderful thing I’d ever seen. Muscular and defined from head to toe, and the golden brown tan accentuated it. His dick was cut and clean, nestled in a decent growth of hair. It must have been about 7 or 8 inches. He caught me looking at it.
“You like what you see?”
I responded by flipping him over onto his back and kissing him with an intensity like no other. I then proceeded to go lower and lower until I was at his cock. I looked at him and then licked it; just once. Then I did it again, and finally put my lips around the head. He moaned, which I found encouraging. I licked under the head of his cock, and then swallowed more and more until it hit the back of my throat. I relaxed it so that it would go all the way in. I gagged a little, but my throat adjusted and soon it was moving in and out with a fluid rhythm. chathura began to moan and rub his hands over my back and shoulders, and I was pleased that I was doing so well. He gasped a little each time his cock hit the back of my throat, and when I licked the underside of the head. The little drops of semen that were coming out tasted sweet, with just a hint of saltiness. I wanted more of it. I braced my hands against his hips and went all the way down to the base, where I tickled his balls a little with my tongue and this made him moan even louder. I repeated that a few more times until I felt his dick start to twitch.
“Oh, God,” chathura gasped. “Anu, I’m…going…to…”
But I kept on and then squeezed his cock as far down my throat as it would go. It began to spasm and I pulled out just far enough so that I could drink down the torrent of salty-sweet nectar as it poured from his pulsing dick. I lapped up the rest of it by licking more around the head and the shaft. I pulled his cock out of my mouth and sucked gently on his balls.
“That…was…amazing…” he said breathlessly.
I lifted my head up. “Glad you liked it. I just followed what your body told me.” I put my lips to the head of his dick and licked under it again, and he whimpered in pleasure.
“Now I want to show you what it feels like,” he said coyly.
chathura traded places with me. He jerked my dick at first, to make it prime for sucking, and then he slowly worked on the head. I started leaking semen uncontrollably. chathura licked off every last drop. He worked on the head some more, and then started to suck my balls gently.
“Oh,” I moaned, and ran my hands through his silky golden hair. “God…that…feels…good…” He jerked my dick again until it was almost about to spurt and then began to lick the shaft until the feeling down, but then began to lick the underside of the head again to bring it back.
“Now I’m going to send you over the edge,” he said lustfully.
He swallowed more and more of my dick until it hit the back of his throat. He suppressed any form of gagging excellently, and proceeded to move his head up and down. My dick kept hitting the back of his throat until finally I couldn’t help it any more. The wave of intense achy and sensitive and warm and electrifying pleasure flew over my body. I spewed forth the most semen I had ever shot. And he promptly drank it all, wasting none of it. I moaned.
“Do I get my props or what?” chathura bantered.
He seductively crept back towards me and kissed me lightly on the lips. I looked into his sparking eyes, and before I even said it he asked
“You want me inside of you, don’t you?” I kissed him and whispered “You, and only you.”
I sucked on his cock to get it moist. He then lifted up my legs and slowly proceeded to insert himself into me; to connect on such a level that any boundaries between us were gone. He slowly but surely pushed his penis further into me. I whimpered and moaned. It hurt, and I almost said for him to stop, but I waited it out. He finally stuck the last bit of his dick inside of me. My ass instinctively clenched and released over and over until finally this wonderful and pleasurable foreign object was accepted.
“Are you ready for the real action now?” chathura asked coyly.
“I’m all yours. And only yours.” He smiled and began to pump his cock in and out of my ass. I whimpered from pleasure instead of pain, and soon began to get that hunger, that seemingly insatiable hunger where you want more of them than they have to give.
“Harder…faster…fill me up…”
I asked between breaths. And he did indeed do that. The steady pounding increased with my heart beat, and his balls slapped rhythmically against my ass. He began sweating; his face was red and his eyes were closed as he enjoyed the sensation of our physical expression of love. I could smell him as he exerted himself to reach the peak of pleasure. With a final groan he exploded inside of me. His sweet essence flew into my body with pulse after pulse of his throbbing penis. I flew over the edge and peaked as well, all over myself and the bed. The pleasure flew over both of our bodies, and we were both satisfied to the fullest. chathura collapsed next to me.
“Did you like it?” Gesturing to the bed soaked with semen,
I said “What do you think?” He laughed and kissed me again, rubbing his tongue over mine in the way that made me so hot all over. He pulled away and looked me in the eyes. “I love you, Anu.” I felt tingly all over and kissed him back. “And I love you too, Chathu.”
I the huge shower cooled off our overheated bodies. chathura and I were washing each other down, removing the scent of passion from ourselves.
Then chathura stopped, right around the side of my ribs that was more towards my back than my front. He had found the bruise. He looked at me with concern and asked,
“Who did that to you?” I pulled away. “It’s nothing,” I lied. I didn’t want to get into that now, while I was still so happy. “I…I fell.”
“Onto a fist shaped object? Baby, tell me the truth.” The sound of “baby” made me melt.
chathura put his arms around my waist. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. Just tell me who did it,” he whispered into my ear. I began to tear up, and everything just came bursting out.
“My dad did it, okay?! He’s drunk all the time now which is why I can barely afford to eat!
He gets angry and violent for no reason at all, and he hits me! There you go! Are you happy now?!”
Tears were streaming down my face, mingling with the water from the shower. I pounded my fist on the wall. “I hate it there.”
chathura pulled me into a hug. I rested my head onto his chest and cried. And all he did was stand there and hold me and tell me it would be okay. I just wanted to rest. Knowing it without my having to say it, he dried me off and then carried me to the bed. By the time he put me down I was already asleep.
I woke up in a fog. The clock read 9:37 pm. Moonlight streamed through the windows. I got out of the bed, suddenly feeling very aware that I was naked. My clothes, however, were nowhere to be found. I opened the door to the room and followed the scent of food downstairs. As I went further down the noise of a pan hissing on the stove grew louder. I reached the bottom step and was in the living room, which was right next to the kitchen. Walking in, I spotted chathura in nothing but an apron cooking chicken and vegetables at the same time. He looked up from the carrots he was chopping and smiled.
“So,” he began. “You’re finally awake. Glad you got some rest.” He wiped his hands on his apron and kissed me gently.
“I have some good news for you,” he said. “You’re staying at my place for the weekend.” I gave him a puzzled look, and he stopped me before I said anything. “Don’t worry. I’ve arranged it all. And by the way, I guarantee you that you’ll be shocked when you get home on Sunday.” I just looked at him. Wrapping my arms around his waist I simply responded with
“Whatever you say.”
We made love several times that weekend, and felt the happiest I had in a really long while. He drove me straight home, despite my protests, and when I got there, I was so disappointed to see the end of that magical weekend. I said goodbye to chathura and walked in the house. Surprisingly it had been cleaned up. And there on the couch was my dad, but in a way I hadn’t seen him in a while. He was clean-shaven, showered, and most of all, sober. He got up immediately and hugged me.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. I looked at him.
“What?” I was confused. What was going on?
“I said I’m sorry. For all this time putting my anger out on you when I really was just mad that amma was dead. And that it was my fault. I didn’t want to go to the store. I made her do it. And that’s why she’s dead. And I hated myself, and took it out on you.” He held his head in his hands.
“Appachchi,” I began. “It’s not your fault. Things happen. And as much as you hurt me, I’m going to forgive you. Because it seems like somehow you’ve managed to sincerely apologize for it. Just promise me that you’ll make everything like it used to be.”
For the first time since amma died, my dad began to cry. Not loud, but a quiet, steady, mournful stream of tears. “I’ll never drink again,” he promised. “And everything will be like it should again. I promise.”
And he kept his promise. He got a decent job, and the house slowly came together. I don’t know what chathura did, and he never told me, but all I know is that I was thankful for it. We’re in our last year of university now; chathura pursuing a career in law, and I pursuing a career in medicine. We’re still just as fresh and in love as we were 6 years ago. I didn’t think I’d ever have a happily ever after like this. It really was a dream that came true.
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